Interview with Perla Herrera

PERLA HERRERA | CO-FOUNDER OF INHALE RETREATS, BREATHWORK FACILITATOR & LICENSED MASSAGE THERAPIST 

“It allowed me to see the resilience of being human – admiring the human body and what a miracle we are.”

Interviewer: I met Perla in Antigua, Guatemala. I registered for one of her breath work classes at Shakti Shala Yoga Studio. It was my first breath work class that was solely an hour of focused breathing. The space she held, and created in the class was so powerful. Love was at the core of the energy, and a deep sense of security and knowing. The entire room was vibrating after the experience, and I was deeply intrigued by the healing experience Perla had just created. Over the next few weeks I continued to run into her randomly time and time again, and I had the opportunity to learn more about her and her life. I ended up booking a 1-1 breath work experience with her in which I experienced a profound energetic healing in a way I had never experienced. We became good friends over my time in Antigua, and I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to interview such an incredible woman. Her story is captivating, mesmerizing, and filled with love- much like the energy she emitts when in her company.

Tell us about yourself

Well, I was born and raised in Miami with Mexican roots. Both my parents are Mexican. My sisters were born in Mexico. I grew up in a Mexican, Christian household, and I feel like those things strongly influenced me as a kid. I would say that I've always had a love for people and I’m just really keen on people's feelings. I would say, as a kid, I was very energetic and adventurous, but also I loved making new friends and I could always see when somebody was in need. My mom brought something up some years ago, like, “Perla to the rescue” kind of thing – that if anybody had ever asked for help or whatever, I was quick to leave the house. Growing up in a Christian household, I loved God and I loved Christianity, but I think there was a big conflict between my own personal beliefs, and then growing up in a Christian school, there was a lot of fear that was instilled. And my parents were very protective, so growing up in Miami, I was just surrounded by a world that I didn't have good support to navigate – not with my parents. So I was very, I would say, rebellious and naive. And I think I lived a lot of adventure in Miami. I would say I was kind of wild growing up and just really, very curious – curious and finding out everything. Kind of very impulsive and just jumping into into situations that make me grateful to be alive now. But I feel like I was really hungry for something big but also very afraid of letting go of familiarity.

And after I graduated high school, I didn't go to college. I lied to my parents. I had apparently put in a lot of applications and I had lied to my parents about the whole process. But when the time came, I had to tell them the truth, and I ended up signing up at a community college. And I was smoking a lot of weed. I was a major pothead. And I just wasn't very enthused about what I was doing. So, I started to work with my dad, and it was working, too, but I had a girlfriend who one day told me that she had signed up for massage school. And something about that conversation made me really angry and upset. I didn't know why I was so triggered, and she was like, “Why don't you go meet with the admissions person and have a conversation with them and see if you can get in?” And I did. And I was really afraid, but I don't know... There was something driving that whole thing. And I called the school, I spoke to the admissions person and scheduled an appointment with them, and I met with them. And it was just such an easy process. But the only thing was that I needed a cosigner for the loan for the school. And I just remember preparing in my mind so much to tell my parents. This is what I was going to do and I was dreading it, but I got around to asking my parents and I was really surprised that they were very supportive and my dad cosigned and I ended up getting the loan.

How would you describe yourself in your essence?  

I feel like I could feel it, but then putting it into words, it's always been a delicate thing, right? I don't want to put myself... I don't want to confine myself. But I feel like in essence, yeah, big heart. Just love. I love to love. I feel like I still have a very mischievous spirit, and it's something that I play with now as I'm older, because I think people – we see and we look at somebody and we make up a story about who they are. And I think when people get to know me, they are very surprised because I'm fun. I feel like I'm very fun. And I think that non-judgment really disarms people and I love that. I love practicing acceptance, and I think that's a core thing for me in my essence of just being able to take people in as they are. And I think maybe that comes from wanting that for myself as well.

What is the one thing you wish everyone knew?

That they remembered that they were love – the core essence of everybody is love. And that there is an infinite abundance – it's just ever-expanding – of love.

Ugh, my God. That they remembered that they were love – the core essence of everybody is love. And that there is an infinite abundance – it's just ever-expanding – of love. When I was going through my treatments, I had lost my body. My attachment to my body was so significant. It was so symbolic. I could see, even before I knew I was diagnosed with cancer, that I was losing that, and it was definitely making me very humble and clearing out a lot of attachment to the physical. And it became such a spiritual experience, because that's all I had, really – spirit – keeping me alive. But it expanded that for me. And at my biggest moment of immense pain, I remember lying in my bed, and looking up, and I was looking beyond. But what I was experiencing was, in this pain – it was no longer pain. It was like breaking through this universe, and all that was there was profound love. And I was just crying so much because I couldn't believe that’s what I was experiencing – that it was just this really deep knowing of everything was love. There was no longer a separation. And it blew my mind because at that moment, I was feeling so much pain, and yet I was being met with this other reality that was just bigger – bigger than my comprehension. And it dawned on me that I wasn't bitter. I wasn’t angry. I wasn't rejecting my experience at all, which I think a lot of people do when they're faced with immense difficulty, especially a sickness like that, where you're in a lot of pain. And so that was a moment of, I think we're always learning something and deepening into it. And you can meditate and contemplate on one thing, but it changes because you just deepen more into it. And for me, that was the thing. Because it seems so cliche, right? Like, “Love. Everything's love.” All those songs or whatever... But where it hit was in everything. It wasn't superficial there. It was everything. And everything above and out. So, that's the one thing I wish everybody, not knew, but really remembered – that at the core of everything, we’re love, and we are loved, and this is all love.

What inspired you to get into your field of work in service?

I feel like I was never confused. I think I've always been sure of myself in some way, even from being a little kid. And I think service came – and I think service is something that's very organic in all of us. At the core of all humans is service; we’re wired that way. But I always had just a profound connection to service, whether it was caring for people in my family… I showed it by affection – by touch, by hugging, by loving.

At some point, when I was visiting my aunts and uncles in Mexico, I would brush their hair, give them a mani-pedi… And the idea of caring came as more of a beautician or cosmetologist or something like that in my early stages of life. But I didn't see myself doing that, and at some point, my grandfather started calling me Dr. Love, and that resonated, like some kind of love doctor. So, I had told you my story about going into massage therapy. I never thought, Oh, I wanted to be this, you know. In my mind, I think when I was younger, I thought, I love business. So, I want to be an entrepreneur. I never thought of massage therapy or even breathwork actually, so I feel like those things found me.

And I knew by way of feeling that it was where I needed to be. So massage therapy came to me very easily. And I actually feel like when you're in the right place, right time, things grow fast. My practice began before I was fully licensed, and I just got work. The world kind of came to me. So, that was a really fun few years. Starting my practice, I said yes to everything. At one point, I had multiple jobs. I wasn't just one thing; I had a private practice, I was working for a chiropractor and acupuncturist, I worked on call for a lot of different spas in Miami, and I also said yes to odd jobs. I was a jeweler at one point… I had, like, seven other jobs at one point, all at once. They didn't last long, but all the aspects taught me something, and they were all, in some form, service and with people – learning the body and learning different forms of mechanics.

At some point, I feel this was my second or third practice... I was in South Miami, and it was the first time I had gone solo in a space, and Shauna was a newborn. And I was having my first existential crisis where a lot of the things that were lighting me up were the occult and esoteric healing – all of that. That whole world of tarot and astral projection and energy – it was really strong. But it was something that I was so excited about, but when I would share with my family, they were terrified. They would start praying for me. And that was nice, too, because when you start to mess with things you don't fully understand, you could start to have experiences that are very ungrounding, and that's what was happening to me. I was having very – although exciting experiences – very ungrounding. And I remember my parents praying for me and I remember sleeping super well for that week, but also kind of thinking, Oh, here I am again, shutting down an aspect of me. It's not acceptable here. I can't be who I am. And that was really showing up, not only in my relationships, but in my practice with my clients. And so, I didn't know at the time, but I had a very codependent relationship, even within my practice, right? It gave me a lot of money, but at some point I was feeling very drained because I had two different kinds of clients. I had clients who I loved working with and they were open to me as I was – all of it – all the woo-woo stuff, too, and it was a lot of fun. But then I had other clients that were just – it was very mechanical and it really represented that part of my conditioning of shutting down and not being full. And that's when I really started feeling like, I need something different. I don't want my clients to depend on me. I don't want to depend on them in this way. I want to have a greater impact. And I remember thinking, I want to do something that allows me to have more freedom and a bigger platform. And that's when I had a session with a client, and I was guiding them to breathe, but I knew that I had an issue with my voice – essentially, speaking up and directing, really having those strong leadership skills, full and full, not just with the clients that I knew I could feel safe with. And I remember working on my client and having them breathe, like, “Here, take a breath,” and guiding the breath as I was working with them. And I thought to myself, Oh, I need to learn breathwork, but I didn't know what breathwork was.

I was thinking, I'll learn a sequence. And that night, I Googled breathwork and this workshop popped up in Miami Beach. And the woman who was organizing it with somebody that I knew in the reiki community. So, I contacted her and I signed up for this class, and then 2 weeks later, I show up at this yoga studio in South Beach, and it's filled with a bunch of people. You could just feel – the energy was super palpable. These people had been doing breathwork. They knew. I didn't know. I was just kind of like, “La, la, la, okay,” sitting there. And so, I’m listening to the guy who's leading it talk and prepare about what we're about to do with the breath. And so, I lay down to breathe in the way that they were instructing us. And it was like having a very in-body out-of-body experience. It was as if a film – a reel of film of my life – was quickly shown to me. But there was no time and space. I lost my connection to time and space, okay? I don't know. It was a trip. And when I got up on the other end, I couldn't put into words what I had just experienced, but my energy field was the size of the room. I felt God's energy, or whatever that was, but I just felt that.

And when I looked around the room, I could see everybody clearly – their soul. And everybody was just not even talking. It was like our eyes were so out there. You could see everybody's energy out. Everybody's faces looked different. And there was just this unspoken conversation happening in the space, and it was just a very real moment. I was in love with the work that I had just experienced, and I knew that I was going to be in that world. I just knew it. So, I signed up for training that day – a year-long training. And then the work began, because I didn't know what I had signed myself up for. But essentially, when the training started – and I think it was my third or fourth session of breathing like this – I started to understand what was happening, which is just doing subconscious work, shadow work, deep work – uncovering the layers, uncovering the conditioning, uncovering traumas… And it was hard. It was really intense just diving deep, because once you uncover, your mind kind of catches on to what's happening – this process of healing. You're scared to lie back down again and do it again, but you're also in a space thinking, Here I go again. Why? Why am I doing this to myself? But there is something else that I feel like was stronger than my will to be there. It was whatever you want to call it – purpose, spirit guides… Whatever it was, I felt like I was being held to be there, even when I felt like, I don't want to do this anymore.

So, when I found breathwork, I had visions of myself. I was hungry. I was like, This is my doorway to the world. I just want people to do this and I want to share it with the world. And so, I stayed. I stayed very much in the training of breathwork. And that was 2012 through 2015-16 of being in trainings around breathwork. As a massage therapist, I wasn't just manipulating tissue. To me, it was very obvious. People started to tell a story through their body. And then I started to get really good at reading people – who they were, their intentions, what their body was saying to me, and feeling the energy – the mechanics of energy, and how it shows through the density of our actual tissue. And so, without having to tell my clients, that's what I was always working on. I was working on an energetic level through the physical body. It made me really good at relationships – maybe not my own, but with people. And I started working a lot with clients and couples, and then at some point, I didn't want to be traveling so much when I would do outcalls, and then the universe delivered couples and then families. So, I work a lot with couples – that dynamic of husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, or whatever, and also families. And I loved – and I still do – I love that part of my job of going to people's homes and seeing where they live and what they've created. And then being in the life of people as a massage therapist, the things that are so intimate in people's lives become normal to be around. You show up and the client lets you into their bedroom. You know, a husband walks out of the shower in a towel, and the wife's getting undressed, and this becomes such a very natural atmosphere to be in. If I were to tell somebody, they’d be like, “Well, that's weird.” [Laughs] You're watching people get undressed, or they're naked, and you're working with them. You're working with naked bodies. But I really think it just ties into the breathwork in that what the breathwork does – and even the bodywork – is that you get people in a place of truth and everything's exposed. Nothing hides. I've loved that, and it's given me a place to show up also from that place of vulnerability.

What has been your relationship with your period and your cyclical nature in general?

In the beginning, I watched my older sister and my mom, have really bad periods and not a good relationship to their periods. My sister would have migraines and would be yelling, screaming, and it looked like somebody was torturing her. And she would be knocked out. I guess to some degree, I didn't have the same. My periods were irregular as a kid, when I was younger, starting. They were irregular. And then sometimes they were much longer. Later I found out I was anemic growing up, too, but I didn't know that till later. So yeah, I had really long periods that would drag on, and then the irregularity. I would say when I started to take care of and have a better relationship with my body later in high school and right after high school, my periods became really wonderful.

But it wasn't until my late 20s where there was a major shift, and it came after having Shauna. Being pregnant and then having Shauna… Getting pregnant activated all the right hormones. I felt for the first time that my body was fully “on”. There were certain hormones that I was producing that I knew I had never felt before. I felt like a woman for the first time and I felt really healthy. I know in the beginning, I obviously felt little sick and went through all that, but my second trimester, I felt my most powerful as a woman. Everything was happening for me. I was pregnant, but I felt like my hormones were balanced. And although I wasn't having my period, it really changed my relationship with my body and helped me get more in tune with my body and trust it. So, when I got my periods after Shauna was born, they were really enjoyable. I started having shorter periods. And they were very regular. I could count on them showing up when it was time – very in tune with the moon cycle. Full moons – right around there – I knew it. Every 28 days, I was going to have my period. And it became a way of living. I knew the phase before I would get my period, knowing, Okay, this is where I need to start stopping, in a certain way, of thinking, and more preparing. And then I would have my period, and there was that moment where you get your period of relief, like [exhales]. You can just sink in – that feeling of surrender. But that surrendering was a moment of not just resting, but I always felt like that moment of being on your period – especially those first few days – was so magical. Because it was as if the universe would kind of work for me – provide everything that I needed in a way that I wasn't thinking, and nothing was ever in jeopardy. You know what I mean? The things that I was afraid of before, the things that I was concerned about, all of a sudden [snaps] would find their solution or whatever. So, it's funny to have that every month.

It's kind of wild that women go through so much change within each month. It kind of drives you a little crazy… But really, up until I got sick, my period was really awesome for a good 9 years. And that was a big change. Whereas before, sometimes it’d get spotty or it would just be weird when I was younger. I didn't know why. So, my second marriage, I experienced, when I would have sex, I would cry. And I mean, now that I look back there, there are all these little signs of, Oh, I should pay attention to that area, because it was an area that I was asking my attention through my motions. But when I left my marriage and I had the next relationship with my boyfriend, I started to spot, but it wouldn't always happen that it was significant enough that I went and got checked out. And nothing showed up – maybe a fibroid or whatever. So, I went an alternative route. I went to a craniosacral therapist and I also went with my – I had two acupuncturists at the time – and I was working with those three with a very rigorous… Every week, I was doing craniosacral therapy, which was more SomatoEmotional Release work. And obviously, there was a lot of trauma and a lot of emotions, having been coming out of two divorces, moving cross-country twice – all of that. But within 2 months, I went back to the gynecologist and got checked, and everything panned out and I was no longer spotting. But it happened again later. So when I got sick, there were a few months where, yes, I was bleeding during sex and it was like, Maybe I'm just sensitive. Whatever. And then (especially when I was with Johann; we were doing long-distance), I got on birth control for the first time in my life. And I didn't want to; I’ve always been scared of being on birth control. And I had a very bad reaction to birth control. I was in so much pain. I didn't know that it was aggravating my tumor – like, feeding it. I didn't know. I didn't know at all. I knew something was off because my digestive system... I had never experienced anything like that before. But when I came back from my first trip to Guatemala, I knew something was off. And fear set in.

There was this fear that was present that never went away. I was always thinking in the back of my head, What's going on? But I tried everything. I went to the doctor, I got checked out, and nothing was pending out. Like, “Oh, maybe it's a fibroid or whatever.” And it was such an interesting, intense time. And I was still kind of having my period, but it was blended in with the spotting and the bleeding that I was experiencing. So, I wasn't sure. My period became very irregular. At some point, I started bleeding and having massive blood clots the size of my hand. And at that time, I had already lost a lot of weight. I had gone to the ER several times, and nothing. I mean, nobody had seen the tumors on the CAT scans, which was really weird. But on my last visit to the ER at a local hospital, there was an OB-GYN, and she spoke to me, because I had gotten admitted at this time. I was having the second blood transfusion of those months. And she was like, “I think you might have cervical cancer.” But that hospital wasn't equipped for gynecological things. So she was like, “Come see me when you get discharged.” And it was because of that visit… One of the guys in the ER was like, “You know what? We're going to do a second exam.” And I was like, “Yeah, examine me.” And they did a pelvic exam, and it was there that all these clots came out. And then everybody was like, “Okay, we're going to run tests again.” So, I went again for another CAT scan. Then they did an intervaginal ultrasound. And then they ran blood work and I was admitted. I had the blood transfusion on that trip. But as soon as I was discharged, the next day, I went directly to this OB-GYN and she did a biopsy. She was really direct with me. She was like, “You know what? I'm just going to prepare you. This looks like cervical cancer and it looks advanced. So, if you don't make it before we get your diagnosis back, you need to go to this other hospital. It's one of the best hospitals in Miami.”

So, she gave me that, and I came back home, and I was just with my parents. And I was just feeling like, I'm gonna die? Really? I felt like death was knocking on my door. I was that weak. I remember one night feeling – just because I had lost so much blood – I really felt no energy, and it almost felt like peace. I was like, Okay, if I go, everything's gonna be fine. And my dad stayed with me on the couch. But I was afraid to fall asleep, but he was like, “Sleep.” I woke up the next day, and I didn't make it waiting for my diagnosis to come in. I was like, “We need to take Shauna out of school and you guys need to take me to the hospital. I need help.” We showed up at this hospital and I got admitted right away, and it was like angels. The guy who examined me was this incredible OB-GYN. He was young. He was hot. He was so deserving. He was just like, “How have you lived and not been diagnosed?” And while I was there, I had gotten the call from my OB-GYN with my diagnosis. It was confirmed. So, it's interesting that I finally showed up at the ER, and I got the diagnosis and it was confirmed that I have cervical cancer. They didn't tell me what. It didn't matter to me. I was just happy that I had the diagnosis and a confirmation of like, let's move forward, you know? There was relief in that I wasn't afraid anymore. So, I was admitted to the hospital. I stayed there for like a week. This was right before the holidays, in 2019. And I just remember the staff working diligently to try to figure out how they were going to get me treatments fast, because obviously they have a bunch of people. It's not like you can just start doing it. So, I got well enough that week with another blood transfusion and all that. Finally, they were like, “You can go home for the holidays.” So, I was able to spend Christmas with my family while they figured out my treatment plan. But then they called me, like, “Wait, you can start on the 31st.” So it was, like, okay, I get to celebrate Christmas with my family on the 25th, but within a week later, I would be going to the hospital to start my treatments. That's kind of where I stopped bleeding. Yeah, I had stopped bleeding. I haven't had a period since, and I haven't had spotting or anything since.

But the interesting thing about not having menstruation was that I noticed how much energy women spend menstruating, and I didn't have that anymore. And selfishly – not even selfishly, but it was wonderful not to spend money. When I finally was home, I had all these pads and stuff, and I gave all my stuff away. I was like, “I don't need this. I don’t need to buy pads. I don't even need to take time off.” There’s a stillness that happens when you’re not having your period that you have no interruption. And I think it's an interesting thing that women go through menopause in their 50s and go through that, but the way that I see it is that women have gained all their wisdom, and all of a sudden it's transformed into something different. And now they can not be interrupted to live and share themselves in the world in a way of not having to tend to themselves. It's not to say that I don't have cycles. I still feel very connected to the moon, but it's expressed differently in my body. But that's one of the things that I feel in the last 2 years of not having a period: there is a feeling of calm – of not being up and down with a period and just feeling very steady in my life because of it. I feel like every time I talk to my girlfriends, they have their period again, and I’m like, “Again? You just had it the other day that I spoke to you.” And it feels kind of insane, but I noticed it now only because I don't have my period. It's a funny thing.

What has it been like not having a period?

Freeing. Very freeing. The day that I got the diagnosis, we had left Mount Sinai Hospital in Miami Beach, and my parents and I had stopped at this little marina park on the beach. You know, I was devastated when the gynecologist had told me – when she did the biopsy and she kind of gave me the straight-up conversation. Even though I didn't have the diagnosis, but she was like, “This looks like cervical cancer.” So, she prepared me, and I was really grateful that I had her and that she was very upfront and direct. It did prepare me. But she asked me some questions that were so emotionally stirring. She asked me like one (obviously): “You have a kid already, right? Do you want more kids?” And it was such an interesting question because, no, I didn't want more kids. Ever since Shauna was born, I've been very content. I've never had the idea of more kids. It was always more like, “Well, if I'm with a partner and that happens, yeah, I'd be happy. I'm not for it or against it”. But then I had just started this relationship with Johann, and things were just perfect in terms of, like, this is the ideal partnership. Also, the conversation of kids – it was a conversation that he and I were actually having prior to the desire for a family together and all that. Although he was and still is – the whole pregnancy and having his own kids? He's on that train. I'm not on that train so much, but the idea… Because I think that deep longing of having a partner – having a husband or somebody in a committed relationship to share a family with – finally was a real thing in my life, and then this happened.

So, when she asked me, “Do you want more kids?” while also giving me a real conversation around what I was about to forgo if I went through conventional medicine, that was just maybe something that I needed to prepare for not being a possibility because of the chemo and the radiation. And I remember feeling fine, but I remember having the conversation with Johann to tell him, “I just got the news. I've been diagnosed with cervical cancer.” And what I was feeling was having to surrender and let go of yet another dream or something of mine. But what it was touching upon for me was, Can I still be loved like this? And am I worthy? But at that point, I feel like I had already worked through so much, that my sense of self-worth was so heightened that I had that deep reassurance within me of, Even if this doesn't work out, it's okay, kind of thing. But it was so important for me to keep… I would tell Johann, “This is the reality and I really need you to be… If you're here, you're in the relationship from this place, not because you want to get something out of it.” So, it's just really having these honest conversations.

But it was heartbreaking, too, to be met with, fuck, all of a sudden, a certain thing that you've been longing for in your life shows up. Even before I got sick, I would say I felt like I was at the peak of my life. I was super happy. I felt successful. Everything in my life felt like I'm in the right place, and then boom, I got sick. So, that was really interesting to have that experience of the relationship with Johann, and knowing that I was about to go through this process of not knowing, How am I going to come out of this on the other side? Am I going to be able to have kids? Am I gonna lose the relationship because of it? It really, really made me go to that place of my worth, of my value. So, that's something that I feel like Johann and I both worked through during the process of my treatments.

What have you learned from that experience?

For me, the elimination of the attachment to your body makes you see clearly. Because in a way, I almost felt non-human, and I think that's the thing about having a body. If you're human, there's massive attachment, even when you're not even aware of it. There was a lot of learning. It was trusting my eyes, my senses, my needs, and not compromising, because all of a sudden I was on this tight wire. My focus was this laser. There was no room for fault, because there was a massive price to pay for it through pain, meaning every decision mattered, every interaction, who I saw, who I allowed to see me, what I did… The consequences of each action were significant because I was feeling it through pain. And I was already going through so much that I was so focused on getting through, and doing it from a place of… Everybody was so impacted by what I was going through. Everyone was like, “Wow, you're just doing this with so much grace.” And I didn't get it at the time because I was so focused, but it was a clarity that I've never had in my life.

And I saw that it was being used as a way to impact the lives that were closest to me and around me. My sister started a GoFundMe, and that was one of the things that made me trust the whole process even deeper, because so many people came out of the woodwork. And I needed that. I needed to see how much I was loved through my network of people, but not only that, but to see how much I had given, how much good I had done in the world. For me, as a woman – identified as a woman – as a mom, I was really hard on myself. I didn't cut myself any slack, but I also didn't see how much I did – I guess because I did it in a way that looked easy.

I think nobody saw how much I struggled. I think that was maybe something I wish people could know about me: how hard it was to live through what I lived inside, and maybe I was just too good at hiding that. But it found me there. All of that came back. And then it dawned on me, because I did zero, all of a sudden, it took an army of people to do everything that I did. And I saw, like, Oh, wow, people do so much. I mean, even you, in your life. You might not think about it because you're doing it, but the minute you put a pause on that, you can see the effect, the impact, of what you do in your life. So, I had that reflection of seeing that. And I needed that for me to not only respect but to honor myself and be like, Wow, I see myself. And I needed that. I needed to see myself through those eyes and love her and be like, “Wow, you're amazing.” I needed to recognize that about myself because I hadn't let myself. You know when somebody compliments you? I think I had struggled for such a long time to let it seep in.

Part of me is very confident, but it wasn't enough for me to fully let all of that in, and it made me realize how much I had really pushed everything away. But here I was just letting it pour in, and even with the money, I would see all this money coming in and the notes and everyone – even some clients – and it was just incredible to see thousands of people coming through. My family was so in awe. I also have celebrity clients, and they donated, and people thought it was a joke to see their names. And my sister, at one point… I was like, “No, these are actual clients of mine.” And I think that was another thing: a lot of my private work has always been quiet. I'm the best-kept secret kind of thing, so it was a very healing moment for me, obviously, on so many levels. But also, having my parents’ respect and everybody in my family – they just admired me. And I think I needed that. I needed all of that. Everybody did. It was profound healing. My parents and I had some amazing conversations. Every conversation was not superficial; every word counted. And I felt like it mattered, like it was necessary. Not for me, but for everybody that I knew – everybody that I know. And even now, the kind of relationships that I have now with all those people – they're just at a whole ’nother level. There's a generosity that's given by way of going through something like that, and you never go back.

And so, I feel happy to live in that because my heart's not closed off. It's easier for me to just recognize and give and receive. Even when I'm wrong with Johann or when I'm wrong with my daughter, how much easier it is for me to be like, “I messed up. I'm sorry,” and not feel proud. Or to tell somebody, “Wow, this really mattered to me how you did this. Thank you. I love you.” So, I say it more often now. You'll catch me on a call or even with people. I’m like, “Hey, I love you.” It's something that I noticed that I kind of took away from that experience.

“You don't let anything leave you. You don't let a second pass by. Show up full.”

So, there was a lot of learning. It wasn't just one thing; it affected so much. It also allowed me to see the resilience of being human – admiring the human body and what a miracle we are. I had a catheter here in my right kidney because the tumor was blocking the left side of my body and how my body was getting rid of waste. Yeah, my urethra. And so, that was also another hard, weird thing going through surgery. First of all, I had a fear of hospitals – a “Hospitals are where people go to die” kind of thing.

So, here I was having to be in my worst nightmare kind of situation, but having a whole different relationship with it too. The hospital became my home; I was there every day for 3 months. And how amazing the staff people – everywhere, I’m like, “Oh my God, angel, angel, angel, angel, angels everywhere.” They were truly angels. And then having this catheter attached to me. It was not comfortable, on top of what I was going through, to live with the bag. And so, the townhouse that I had lived in doesn’t have tubs, it's a Jack and Jill bathroom. So, the shower’s in the middle. The shower became another home for me. Water was very healing, so, because of the pain that I was in, I was in the shower four times a day. Sometimes in the middle of the night I’d get up, and from 3:00 to 4:00 I would just stay in the hot shower because it would help me, and then I could go back and get some sleep. So, that was also super important for me to be in water – hot water to help the pain. But at one point, Johann was like, “Let's get you a kiddie pool.” So, he ordered a kiddie pool on Amazon that fit being in the shower. So, I would fill it up with hot – as hot the water gets. I'd go downstairs and get the kettle and fill it up with hot water and pour it in, and I would get into the kiddie pool. There was this one time, I was in there and looked down at my frail body – just bones at that point. And the voice that came was, “I love you. You're incredible.” And then I just started hearing this conversation – this higher voice or whatever – but with my body. And it was another big moment for me of having this beautiful recognition that my body was working so hard to keep me alive. And I was just in awe. So, I was just caressing, massaging my body, giving myself that love. And it really changed my relationship. I didn't relate to having cancer when the c-word came around. I was like, “Whatever.” And I still don't. I don't feel like I had cancer. What I had was a problem of self-worth – not loving myself. And I had taken on enough damage – enough of hating myself on some level. And that's what the cancer was. That was what the cancer was. And so, it was changing the way I saw everything about what I was going through and it was the opposite. I was like, “Wow, my body is amazing. It's alive and it loves me and it's working for me,” and all this stuff. So, it really shifted what I was experiencing, even though looking down, I’m like, “I’m all bones…” I felt like every day was like a big… Living in that intense, deep, deep place. I think that's why people get so inspired when people go through things like that.

I felt like it was a “becoming” kind of thing – really always there but with less separation. I felt like it really gave me courage to live. Please don't go get cancer. [Laughs] The vanity and humor got me through too. I would joke… My nails were super long, and as a massage therapist, you can't really have long nails and all that. And I kind of always mourned that part where I would see a picture of myself before massage therapy, and I had nice, long, pretty nails. And here, I was getting my nails done and having super long nails, and it was such a funny thing because I would stare at them, and I would send a picture or post to friends and be like, “Nails on point.” That was what was getting me through. And actually, my hair… The kind of chemo that I was having was not going to make me lose my hair. My hair became super strong. I was taking a lot of vitamins. I was doing a lot of vitamin C – a lot of Shock vitamin C – and I was taking a lot of good stuff at the time.

Funny that the hospital and the doctors, when they were preparing you, you read all the stuff and you're not allowed to take good things because it will interfere with the chemotherapy. I didn’t listen to that bullshit. So, I was on some really good stuff and my skin was amazing. My hair was amazing. My nails were amazing. And everybody was always like, “Wow.” So, there was that. It was hard for me to see people get so scared, that I had to make light of it somehow – to get them to laugh and be like, “It's not the end. I’m not gonna die.” I knew I wasn't gonna die. I remember one of my oncologists was like, “Good news. This is the most curable cancer. Guaranteed.” They didn't even tell me what stage of cancer. I found out later that I was almost stage four. It was very advanced. Then later, they told me because I was like, “I want to know. How big was the tumor?” And then they were showing me. And so, I really appreciated that about the team when I got to the hospital. They knew what they were doing. They were really smart to not be like, “You have…” It doesn't matter.

The confidence that they gave me and what they focused on was what was important. And I thought that was really interesting to have that experience within a medical Western setting. People were very surprised that I went that route, too, but I felt like at that point, I really needed something strong. And not to say that if the resources that I had available… That's with what was available. If I could do it again, a different route, I would. I would try a different – a mixture – to get me to a point where I could sustain my health but also be able to do a holistic… I didn't have that time on my hands. I feel like if, that day, if I hadn't gone to the ER and gotten admitted, I feel like maybe I could have died. I was that frail. I felt gone. When I would close my eyes, especially where I was drifting, I didn't feel so connected to here. I felt like I was crossing over. I think when death is on the table, people respond differently. So, I think death is a big teacher, whether it's a physical thing or you're experiencing it somewhere in your life, like an aspect of shedding skin and becoming a new version of yourself or something ending.

“Death helps redefine and really bring things to the present moment, because we forget that we're going to die.”

That's the other thing of breathwork, that when we're breathing in and out, we're living in that cycle of unconscious/conscious, life and death. It’s a very fine, fine line. But for some reason, we forget that. So, the cancer helped everybody around me kind of live in the present moment. I saw a lot of people reconcile… Just see how stupid… What's the word I want to use? It's not juvenile. A lot of the concerns that we have for the things that we’re fighting for are really insignificant. They're stupid. They're stupid. And so, when you have that kind of thing knocking at your door, I think people drop that immediately and realize. They wake up. And so, that was happening all around me and it was awesome. It was awesome to see how everybody was [snaps] making changes in their lives and doing things differently.

What helps you get into your rhythm and flow now?

I think people are very, very like, “Oh, how often do you breathe?” That's kind of the question. People think that I probably lie down and breathe every day, but I think that's not the point of anything. I think the point is for you to live. So, for me, right now, because I'm playing home and family with Shauna and Johann, we're having this new kind of life. I get up early, so it's responding to the natural things that are wanting to happen. When your body wakes up, what do you do? Do you turn over in bed or do you get on your phone? Do you watch TV or do you try to check out? And so, for me, it was really important to just stay in a responsive state of what naturally wants to happen and to do things from the place of love. So, what that looks like for me now is when I do get up, I wake up when my body’s up, ready to go. And that looks like getting up very early. It's natural to get up early here. It's easier. And then, I let my dogs go out. My meditation is actually getting up and being happy to see Shauna and Johann sleeping, seeing the dogs, and to take them out and to feed them and to tend to them, and then to have that time for myself before everyone else. I do have rituals, but they're not consistent. They're not every day. If there's time in the morning, I touch myself a lot. So, there's a lot of massage and it's very intuitive. I spend a lot of time in the mirror. I've always had that relationship with myself where I could be locked up in the bathroom and have a conversation or play with the expressions in my face – see myself. I almost feel like I'm more than one person. Because I'm so tactile, to give that to myself, so it can look like moving, dancing in the mirror without music. Or even right now, the latest sensation is arm balancing, so I do a lot of handstands at home. But that self-care of massaging my face and then just massaging – seeing where that takes me. That's something that I do often – almost every single day. There's an aspect of touch that I do for myself every day that steadies me. But it's very much like my meditation is caring for what's happening at home, because it includes me. So, making breakfast, all that – it's not making breakfast; it's how present am I in the process of what I'm doing? So, in a way, weirdly enough, my practice really, really doesn't happen till everybody's out of the house. And that's just where I'm at right now. So, it's a lot of making sure Shauna and Johann are fed, the dogs are fed... Me, too, included – that we're all eating well.

I mean, breath is a big part of me, but I feel like my breath has become very steady, so I don't have a daily pranayama or breathwork practice. But I am very much aware of my breath – of my own companionship via my breath. So, it's more of an internal practice where I'm constantly aware of my breath. And that's a big practice. It's something that I started when I started doing breathwork back in 2012. That was the thing I was aware of. I was like, “Oh, you don't have to do crazy stuff, but if you just even have the practice of being aware of your breath, that's a hard thing to do.” And it was very hard to do. But now it's something that is more present with me. So that's my practice: keeping an awareness of my breath because that allows me to feel into what's happening. So, being able to kind of respond to my life, even in a way in which I'm not thinking, My breath lets me do that. So, It's Monday and I have this plan. I'm feeling off, okay. My breath helps me feel into what I need. Or something happens and we need to shift gears – I feel less irritable. I feel more able to just flow with my life and adjust. Breath gives you the ability to adapt.

What is beauty to you?

Receptivity. Even just now, I feel like this is beauty. Beauty is being able to see beyond the physical. I think beauty, for me, is feeling.

How would you define breathwork?

So, breathwork is actually a pretty big umbrella any time you're conscious of your breath and you manipulate it. That's breathwork. And there are a lot of ways to experience that. There are a lot of different avenues of types of breathwork. But those two elements – you're using your breath and you're consciously manipulating it – that's breathwork. We talked a little bit about this earlier – about defining. Everything has a frequency to it. Everything. Everything has an aspect to it that's lower frequency and the highest frequency – acidic state; an awakened, full state; the fullest expression of that. And you have that in manipulation. So, I feel like, yeah, manipulation means the use of something and hopefully that it's advantageous. For sure your breath, you know, there's an advantage to using it.

What do you think the core benefits of breath work are?

Core... So, from a health perspective, regulation. So, it alleviate stress and anxiety for heart disease. Even for chronic diseases... Those are the core things. You hear it all the time. You're boosting your immune system tons. But steering away – regulating your body system, what does that look like? Knowing yourself. Breathwork helps people know themselves. And then healing. I feel like, at least the type of breathwork that I've been doing, has a lot to do with healing, which means allowing people to go to these fragmented aspects of themselves, integrate them, and have a feeling of wholeness, and also break beyond mental barriers essentially. So, I think that's a major benefit of breathwork: that you're going to create new connections in your head and your brain and your way of thinking, and that frees up a lot of space for you. So, it's a powerful tool for creating. When you think about that – what holds somebody back? Fear. So, breathwork can help build confidence, help you confront, help you deal with the things that you're afraid of, and overcome them. I think that's a major – that’s a big thing with breathwork. But also, part of that process of coming back to alleviating stress and getting rid of anxiety... Anxiety is all past stuff. When you're anxious, it's because your mind is thinking of the past. It's not present. So, as you bring in the breath consciously, the breath is pure consciousness. It's allowing you to have that connection to consciousness, meaning presence. The more you allow that to come in... Even a lot of work now is the state of being awake or conscious. It helps to be so present so that you're not living in the past. So, you're not going to get sick, because when we're living in the past and we have anxiety over prolonged periods of time, this is when we start to get sick. If your breath helps you get present, that's going to help you get healthy.

Can you tell us more about your areas of focus for your work? How do you integrate all of your learning and teachings holistically?

I got into energy work (reiki) prior to actually doing massage school. But then after that, and then with the massage school, I had a lot of different teachers just introduce me to different kinds of techniques, polarity work and then esoteric healing... So, working with the chakras, working with the auric fields... And somewhere along that way, also studying Akashic records... I feel like all of those have given me a different relationship to energy. Like I said, I feel like when I work with somebody now, the way that it's integrated, it's more of an awareness. Sometimes I don't need to touch somebody. Having the space of awareness and being present does a lot for somebody, because it's an energy. It resonates. So, your body will respond to that. When you feel safe in somebody's company, there's an actual thing happening between you and that other person. Your body knows, by way of the energy, by way of the frequency, that it's safe to let go or safe to kind of unravel and unwind.

Now, when I work with somebody, a lot of my work has a lot to do with deep listening and trying to understand what that person needs or what's going to be the most effective. A lot of the time, somebody who even comes with me saying, “I want massage therapy” or “I want therapeutic deep-body release work” or something – we meet. We meet and we get together to see, “Well, what's really happening there?” And more times than not, I'm always surprised that we end up doing something very different. So, that's the way all of that has integrated into my work. Every now and then, I do have clients with people who specifically asked for something, and I'm happy to do... For instance, Akashic record work is very specific. There's a prayer that you use to get into the Akashic record of that person for healing. That person can come with questions. And so, in a way you act as a channel to connect with their records and see what wants to be communicated there, but also to answer the questions that they're bringing to you. So, in a way, you're acting as a vessel – as a channel – for that.

I don't promote those things. If a person has known me because they've done that with me in the past, I always check in with myself if I want to be in that space with them or not. But it's always interesting to see what wants to happen with somebody. I might have a plan or an idea or an intuitive feeling, but then there is that feeling that you do need to be present, because there might be something that you completely hadn't thought about before. So, there's a big blend. When I work with somebody, there's an aspect of touch, of energy work, and then of course the breath, and I marry them. Those three things are a big component when I work with people.

When I got into massage school, I was so lit up. Everything was so interesting to me... Healing work... All sorts of stuff. I dove deep into a lot of different things and then I had a lot of different practices. I studied Vedic Thai massage and Tratak meditation and a lot of different techniques. I also got into Sufism, which does a lot of different practices – not just recitation, but working with yourself, looking in the mirror, eye gazing... You start to fine-tune your senses of perceiving subtleties, like subtle body or energy. So, this is something everybody has access to – working on your intuition or working on your senses. So, at different points in time, I had different practices that I was really learning and doing every day to strengthen those skills. I think at some point, also, certain things that I was doing back then when I first started as a massage therapist, were so activating.

I spent a month in Bali when I was pregnant with Shauna to go study Akashic record and sacred geometry. It was pretty intense. Being in that energetic... Opening a channel and feeling so much information... It was really intense for me to interpret, and that happens a lot – that intensity. After that experience, I was like, Well, it’s not important for me to be in that space. I wanted my work to be more practical. And so, the way that that's integrated is by relationship, because I think what I see a lot in healing work is that people get attached to high-end experiences. And then they get distracted by that. I mean, it's without even knowing. They're seeking that out again, and in a way, were addicted to getting that. “Keep going. I want to do this.” And they miss the whole point. So, I felt for me it was really important to be very practical and to demystify the mystical and make it here, and I feel like it's by way of relationship. All of that magical stuff – energy or whatever – bringing it here in the body, grounding the work.

How could someone get in touch with you if they wanted to work with you?

I always respond on my Instagram: @breath.experience. People message me from everywhere and I get it, so I respond there. And email.My email is prla.herrera@gmail.com. Email and Instagram are probably the best ways. Here is the website for Inhale Retreats which is a retreat that I co-founded.

Do you have any advice for anyone who's currently in the journey of going through cervical cancer?

Wow. Well, yeah. My response is two-fold. It has to do with women’s health. Shortly after being diagnosed, obviously, I saw all of the signs prior, and I wondered why I didn't advocate more for myself. When Shauna was born, I had my first Pap smear, which returned irregular. But I got tested... Because I was pregnant, they were watching that. So, to me, cervical cancer is not something that happens overnight. That was brewing for maybe a decade, because it happened through HPV. So, my focus point is not so much on the cervical cancer; it’s, how'd you get there? And cervical cancer is most likely to come from HPV. And that is so prevalent now. It's something that most people have – HPV. I think this is more with women getting educated on their bodies and what they go through... It's like when you go get a Pap smear, number one, make sure you are up to date. And if you're sexually active, be safe. And this also comes with honoring one's body, but if you are going to be having sexual relations, then get yourself checked out. Get tested for STDs but also get your Pap smears often.

I also found that a lot of women... If you get your regular Pap smear back, to a certain degree, they're likely not going to tell you anything and just kind of let it slide. So, there's a big gap in women's health where you need to go to somebody you really trust, but also have that conversation like, “Hey, I'm sexually active” or whatever. If you have something like an outbreak or any kind of irregularity, whether it's pain or spotting or whatever it is, just never have any shame or embarrassment around it and go seek out help immediately. Don't be afraid to find out what's happening. Because I find that with a lot of girls, alot of my friends even – something's going on, and whether it's money or whatever – will not go to the doctor right away or will not be persistent enough to stay with it and find out. A lot of times, I’ll hear, “Oh, everything's fine now.” But then a couple months later, there's something else. It’s like, no, your body's trying to tell you something, so don't ignore the signs. And if you're not satisfied, or you don't have a definite answer, keep going. Because I didn’t. Only looking back now, I see where I didn't want to look or I didn't want to push, whatever the reasons were, and I could have probably done something about this earlier on – a year before. Because I didn't want to bother myself or because I didn't make the time or whatever. I totally ignored it, which had a lot to do with my relationship with myself. So, yeah, I feel like women need to do better.

I didn't grow up in a household where my mom talked to us about things, but then also, I think even as an adult, I was in long-term relationships. I was naive. I didn't take the time to educate myself about important things or the importance of Pap smears – I think I didn't even think of that. But I think at the height of cancer, like cervical cancer and breast cancer, we have to start looking at it differently and seeing these initial signs. And it has a lot to do with many things. It's not just like, “Oh, you weren't safe,” or whatever. It has a lot to do with your relationship with your body. But if there was somebody that was going through cervical cancer, one: I hope their in the right care where they have an amazing support system of knowing that they were going to get through this. Two: there's so much... My doctors were always very surprised because I would come with so much and they were so used to working with a different kind of patient. Initially, they told me, “You're going to be just fine. You've done so much – your lifestyle and everything. You're going to get through just fine.” Still, it was support. Having a really good support system. So, you got to get good at resources. There are so many resources for everything, But if you feel like you don't have it, ask. Even at the hospital, ask for it. The problems you're going through, ask for support. A social worker will help get you the right resources for whatever it is. You need support around, whether it's caretaking or driving or whatever it is. There are all these services that they can help you with.

I remember when I was going in for my radiation, there was one other girl that I saw who had just gotten diagnosed, and I knew that she was going to start her treatments. But she had one person with her and she was out of town. I just felt like – since I was coming out of it – I had learned so much of the process. Right now, I can't really think, but it was that. It was connecting her with the social worker and I was like, “Don't get shy. This is a time for you to speak up.” I don't know why. For some reason, when I got admitted, the doctors were pushing at me. They're like, “You do too good of a job of not expressing. Somebody else would have been yelling, kicking, screaming in your situation.” And it dawned on me that I had learned a survival skill of not showing because I grew up tough, but it was such a disadvantage for me. Because then I was questioning, “Well, why am I not so sensitive to myself? Obviously this is happening.” And then later, I would have an after wave of emotions, and then it would sink in – the sensitivity thing. So, I had a lot of really good people in the hospital who came forward, and I just asked the right questions, and I was like, “Wow. I wonder if everybody else is getting this kind of attention.” But if you're not, you have to voice and ask for what you need. You could get everything you need. If somebody was going the conventional route and they're being told not to... I don't want to give medical advice because I'm not in that position to, but I had a good network of people, like holistic practitioners. But it depends on what kind of cervical cancer... A lot of friends I know have had LEEP. And in a way, I'm kind of grateful I didn't have that or that I didn't have a hysterectomy. I wouldn't want them to remove my part, because I feel like your body can heal and you can regenerate and you're worse off when you start removing parts of yourself. So, I'm grateful that they didn't remove anything. But I know a lot of women who are not in that position. I have tons of clients – women – who had endometriosis and other things. Maybe it was an aspect of pre-cancer, but they went ahead and had a hysterectomy or they had their ovaries taken out, but then they're dealing with so many side effects. They're not actually going to the root cause of it. I feel like women's health and our reproductive system – there's so much there. But definitely... Pap smears. And this is preventative stuff. Talk to your doctor ...Any kind of irregularity. And don't quit there. Find out what your options are. Like I said, I was really fortunate to have really good people in my life. For me, it's been really important.

Yes, I went this route, but I also had the tools for myself to navigate. I had an amazing community of people who showed up for me – my family, and then on top of that, I have two girlfriends. One of them is an acupuncturist who does NAET. It's a muscle testing. But you can test environmental and emotions – all of that. And it's very specific. So, having that, and then the bodywork aspect of somatic work and all that helped integrate all of that medicine to give me a better understanding of, Okay. What am I processing? And also the esoteric. It has a lot to do with what you believe in too.

In terms of evaluating your cycle, do you have any remedies or holistic practices that you'd recommend for any phase of a person’s cycle?

Castor oil packs, very warming. Even sesame oil is a warming oil. I did this a lot where you get a cloth or a linen or whatever and you saturate it in castor oil, and you apply it to your abdomen. You can put a towel over it or you can Saran Wrap it and leave it on. So, castor oil packs are great for when you're menstruating to ease cramps, but to also soften tissue, and it penetrates. Leave it on overnight. Or if you're going through your period, you're probably in bed resting, so you can do that – you could do a treatment – and you could probably put a heating pad over it just to heat it up and put it on for maybe a half hour. And just keep doing that. Nutrition is excellent. Greens. Or anything that helps support your liver or kidneys, so bitters and greens are really good before. I think like food’s a really important thing for your period. But yeah, I don't know. I was like the first thing that came to mind was castor oil packs. They're great. I’ve always had a really good acupuncturist, and even with NAET, they can test you. And they can test specifically and then do acupuncture plus regulate your nervous system by way of the special technique that they use to help get your period back. But I feel like, for me, what comes to mind is... I mean, I only took birth control for that one month, and I was done. I was like, “I can never do this ever again. I'll never.” So, to me, it just seems like detox. Get rid of the chemicals and then you get to really nurture your body to remember its cycle.

What are some of your favorite books?

I do have a couple of books that are like Bibles for me that I reference to over and over again. One of them is a Sufi book and I have to get the title for you. But my ex-husband had introduced me to Sufism – well, not true, but a certain kind of set. It's the 99 names of Allah, but they’re prayers. I love recitation, like mantra or sound technology, and this is a really good way to invocate certain attributes or qualities that you're looking to embody. So, I always love to have these books around and just intuitively skim, get to a page, and get a practice – not read it, but take that in as a practice. And I do that with mantras as well. The two websites that I'm on a lot are Gene Keys – Richard Rudd. All of his work. He has a book. That book is amazing. I'm constantly in that book. It’s called Gene Keys by Richard Rudd.

Photography by: Nataly Basterrechea: @natalybaste_photo